My sexuality is part of my identity

24 Mar

My response to Dr Dobson’s “Sexuality is not an identity

We have many identities – male, female, mother, father, parent, ssiter, brother, grandchild, parent, neice, nephew, cousin, disabled, christian, muslim, mormon, jewish, dutch, PoC, latino/a, white, etc.  Your sexuality is just one of your identities – gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual, pansexual, polysexual, etc.  Your gender – male, female, genderqueer, agender, bigender, two-spirit, genderfluid – is another of your identities.

When I saw this article pop up on my news feed – from a close family member, who knows that I am panromantic asexual, and dating a girl, it hurts.  This is one ofthe ways I am trying to process this – writing.

Dr Dobson, you hold a position of authority.  Lots of people look up to you.  When you post pieces like this, thousands of LGBT kids become ashamed.  Ashamed, because according to you, they are wrong.  You are saying the way God made them is wrong. We are taught in the Bible that God doesn’t make mistakes, yet you imply that he does.  They will now live their life feeling that they are wrong, supressing parts of them.  You have caused lots of hurt – LGBT kids have a higher suicide rate than non-lgbt kids – I hopeyour words have not caused more suicide.

LGBT kids commit suicide for many reasons, but I think one of them is because they feel shame and guilt.  Guilt is “I did something wrong”  Shame says “I am wrong”.  When prominent individuals proclaim that “Gay is wrong” they are causing more kids to feel shame, hide themselves, and attempt suicide, because, well, why live if you are wrong?

As to the kid in your story – you can be gay and christian.  I am. And looking at pornography doesn’t mean someone is gay.  I have never looked at porn – even as an adult – yet here I am, still LGBT.  I just found a church in my area to attend – they are 1/3rd LGBT AND they support same-sex marriage.  Lots of people are gay and christian.

When you say “Sexuality is not an identity” you are wiping away part of who someone is – part of their identity.  And that hurts.  I cannot stop being asexual.  Just like Beyonce cannot stop being black. It is an intrinsic part of who a person is.   If you stripped Beyonce of her heritage, her ethnicty, she would not be Beyonce.  Likewise, stripping me of my sexual identity – asexual – means I would not be me.  I like being me, to be honest.

People post to facebook things that they believe in, believe to be true, and things they agree with.  Since this family member posted this article, what does that mean?    To me, it means that this family memeber is rejecting a MAJOR part of me, and feels that that part of me should not exist.

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